‘I’m afraid my wife will find out I cheated on her’


Illustration/ Uday Mohite

I had an affair with someone while dating my girlfriend a few years ago. She didn't know about it and I put it behind me. I didn't cheat on her ever again. We got married eventually, a year ago, and I recently ran into the woman I had an affair with. She says she still has feelings for me and has threatened to tell my wife about our affair. If my wife finds out, she will assume that I have always been unfaithful, even though I haven't. I don't know what to do. I can't threaten this woman because she says she will file a police complaint. I'm desperate. I don't want my marriage to end like this because of a stupid mistake that I made years ago.
First of all, threatening anyone is a ridiculous thing to do, so don't even think about it. Secondly, as you yourself admit, this was a stupid mistake that was made years ago. If you want your relationship with your wife to get stronger, you will simply have to fess up. If she trusts you enough to have married you, she shouldn't have any problem believing that you haven't been unfaithful since then. Cheating on someone is always wrong, so try to be as honest about your reasons as possible. There may be some hostility at first, which is natural, but it is up to you to convince your wife, because that is the only way she will be able to ignore this other woman's threats and move on. Also, it is only by moving on as a stronger couple that you will both allow this other woman some sense of closure and compel her to move on too.

My girlfriend has a massive crush on a Bollywood actor, which makes me jealous for no reason. How do I deal with this?
The chances of her hooking up with this Bollywood actor are as remote as your chances of hooking up with him. She's with you. Focus on that.